The Mister and I debated keeping her just to save her from death, but she and Bella simply did not get along well enough. They would get into fights daily and we had to keep them separated most of the time, which was frustrating and not fair to anyone.
I am filled with extreme guilt and a sense that I failed her. I couldn’t save her. I couldn’t train her to like people, and that kills me. My head knows that I made the right decision, but the feeling of helplessness is sometimes overwhelming. I was comforted by the words from the vet that she may have just been “wired wrong” and sometimes there is nothing that can be done no matter how much you love them. I can also rest a bit easier knowing that she will never hurt a person or worse, a child. I can’t imagine the guilt I would feel if that were to have happened.
For anyone who has had to put a pet to sleep, you know how badly it hurts. For those of you who don’t, I can assure you it is one of the most painful things you will ever experience. That morning was filled with so many tears as I watched little Bailey leave this world in my arms. I hope that her last 2 months on this earth were happy with us. And I hope with my entire being that she knew she was loved.
For now, I am taking a few weeks off from fostering to allow myself time to recuperate. But it won’t be long before another one needs my help. And even though I am not guaranteed this won’t happen again, and my heart may feel shattered time and time again, I will never stop trying to save them all.